lets talk about my PAST LIFE.

i am a 'strong' girl. and you know what ? every 'strong' person have some sad stories in their past. don't believe me ? ask any 'strong' people you met. i'm sure they'll agree with me.

yea. I'm not that old, I'm only 20 this year. [ 20 ?? oopsie ! huhu. ] 

BUT..

I've been in situation where I lose my Hopes, my Confidence.. 

I felt really down, I isolate myself from people i know.. 

I won't say what had happened though. and don't bother asking, cause i won't tell.

It had been really long time ago since that thing happened to me... but till now, it still haunts me.

I can't erase it from my memory, nobody can erase anything from their memory. 

I hate that it happens to me, cause it shook my confidence away. I hate it cause it makes me feel like I am not worthy like everyone else. It made me look at my imperfections a lot more than my strength. 

i feel ashamed about myself. 

Communicating. Talking. I got problem with that. Especially with new people. uhh. thanks to that dark moment. I can't find topic to talk about when I'm with people I'm not used to hang out with. Making friends is not me. I don't make friends a lot. I can't trust people. I mean it's really hard for me to trust people. I'm afraid to trust. I'm afraid if people would betray my trust. That's why when I have friends, I'll stick to them. But to be true, I don't trust anyone. Not any single person.

Living for 20 years... I never talk about this to anyone. My family knows, but we never talk about it at all. and I'm comfortable with that. I'm happy that they always support me. I'm happy knowing that they will always be there for me when I need them. they are the ones who always makes me feel like i belong.

BUT..

I don't complaint much about it now cause I am what I am because of it.

I teach myself to be strong, to be smart and to always think before i act.

i teach myself to look at different perspective of life than others do. 

I remind myself everyday that there are other people out there who had been in the same situation like me.. or even worst. So I need to be Grateful that I've handled it nicely and for being able to cope with it.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I can see clearly why that thing happened to me. I am mad about it but well, it's fine.

Because I feel like I become somewhat 'different' in a good way from others because of it now.

learn from experience. yes, i learned a lot from them.

see me now. do yo think i give a damn of what you did to me ?