Surely she's very sad, I will be too if I'm in her shoes.
After she told us about the lost, I suddenly feel scared.
You know.. I've always been afraid to death. I can't think about it. I'm afraid to lose my love ones. I can't.
Death is inevitable, yes, I know. But... I still can't accept it. I can't imagine living without them..
Death can take our life whenever it wants. ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
Imagine, you're talking to this someone now, and a moment later, you heard that that particular someone involved in an accident or suffered some chronic disease then died. How will you feel ? OMG. I don't even have the guts to think about it.. I'm afraid to imagine how I'll feel. I can't afford to lose anyone in my life. I am not strong to face the fact that I will never see their face anymore. I can't !
Why am I afraid of being far from home ? It's because of this. I..... don't want to be far from my family cause I know things like this may happen while I'm far away. I want to spend time with them while I still can, while we're still in good shape. And for my parents, I really wish I can take good care of them before this or that possibility occur.. no one escapes death, right ?..
This one time, I phoned mama, and I asked how she's doing, she answered me this..
" Penat ni saya. Pening. Pegi sawah tadi.. Biasalah tua-tua sudah kan. Sakit-sakit sudah. "
And I replied .. " 'Ma !!! Jangan bha cakap camtu ! Saya nda mau dengarr ! "
" ishh.. ( she will laugh a lil ) Biasalah bha tu.. Tua sudah, memang macam tu.. Apa pula nda mau dengar... " My heart aches so much when she said that cause I know what she said is true. And I'm scared if it happens. I don't want anything like that to happen. I wanna be beside my parents, taking care of them at any times that I could. At least I can pay their good deeds to me a lil ? Mama, 'Pa.. I love you two so much !
* crying *
Abang and kakak. They're always far from home. Eversince they're in secondary school, they had started living far from home.. They'll only be back home during holiday. Imagine what possibilities could happen to them while they're away. Paliss. Until now, they still have to live far to work. Pity them. I know how bad they want to stay at home but.... hmm. we can't just stick to mom all the time, can we ?
I hope they'll always take good care of themselves..
If I die first.. If I die earlier than them.. Mom, dad, sistas, bros. Forgive me for my mistakes ? I know I am a stubborn girl, I always go against the rules, but huhu.. saya budak baik bha.. kan ? Blueek. Forgive me, and Please know that I love you all so much. and thanks for everything. Thanks for all the care and love you've given me :)
To those who've been part of my life. Forgive me my mistakes. Thanks for everything. I love you all.
Time is a poison that kills our life slowly.
